Remembrance Day

My Dad very rarely talked about the war. From what I understand he traveled right from the boot of Italy all the way through Europe and ended up in Holland when the war ended.  He was the radio operator in an armored car. One of my cousins is a WWII history buff and spent a fair bit of time talking to my Dad about his experiences in the war. I learned from my cousin a couple of years ago that my dad had two of his commanders die in his arms, you see the commander is usually standing up with the upper part of his body or at least his head out of the turret, and so, he is vulnerable. The radio operator sits a little to the side of the opening for the turret. They were shot by snipers and fell down into Dad's lap. Dad would have been 19 or 20 when he joined up in 1940, and he spent the next 5 years of his life fighting in the war. In the picture below Dad is on the left.

Mom and Dad had an opportunity to go to Holland for the big celebration of the liberation of Holland a number of years ago, this next picture is of the two of them standing in front of one of the houses in which they stayed.

I love my Dad a lot and every now and then I am overcome with waves of sadness, wishing to see him... hear him. "Hey Johnnie-boy" he'd call me, with that tone of fatherly love and affection in his voice.
We have a video of Dad, playing with D3, she was under a year old at the time, he was lying on the floor with her sitting up in front of him, and he was singing to her about how he loved her...
Each of my daughters has a picture that Grandpa painted for them...
Dad, you'd be so proud of your granddaughters, they have grown up to be marvelous wonderful women...

I miss you Dad...

Trip Report – for those of you who want more detail.

We had an amazing time. D3 helped me pick the resort, we checked out a number of sites that had travel reviews and this resort got good reviews and seemed to be a winner.


The resort was the adults only side of a much larger resort. The nice thing about the adults only side was that it was quite quiet and the beach area was identified as for our side of the resort. The adult side of the resort also has a 5 star rating. Adult side identified as the Royal, other side just the Bavarro. One of the perks of the Royal is not having to make reservations for the a la carte restaurants, and you could go multiple times, the Bavarro had Japanese, Mexican, American, and Italian, on the Royal side Thalassa a Mediterranean restaurant and Cata Tapa, which we didn’t try. We could have gone to a different a la carte every night or the same one every night. Usually, at most resorts you have two chances for an a la carte and finito. We usually headed to the buffet on the Bavarro side because we really enjoyed the variety available and the food was very good.
We had also purchased snorkels and fins, and so were anxious to test them out, snorkeling was fun but the beach was shallow for quite a distance out, we found that the fins weren't that much of a help because you could always stand up. Deeper waters would have been a better test of the fins. D3 and S2, lent us their underwater camera, and we had a blast trying to get some pictures of the fish. I’d try to feed them bread and LifeWife would snap madly away at them, we got a few good shots, nothing for National Geographic, but we were happy with them. Concrete tubes of what looked to me like drainage piping had been laid down about 25 yards out from shore, they had been placed there as a sort of a artificial reef, holes had been drilled in the concrete tubes and they weren’t placed right end to end, each section was about 3 feet long and the gaps between sections and the holes made it very fish friendly.
Towards the end of our week there, the waves got quite large as we were getting the tail end wave action from hurricane Igor. We didn't experience anything other than increased winds, (noticeable but not threatening in any way) and the waves generated by the hurricane hundreds of miles away.

We wouldn't have any qualms about going there again.

Click on the following pictures for larger size...

This is the whole resort, nice that it isn't crammed in with resorts packed in on either side, good for long walks on the beach.

At the extreme left is the entrance to the resort, you drive in and there is this long driveway lined with majestic royal palms, on either side is a golf course. Beautiful entrance.

 The black line is the dividing line between the two sides to the resort, the adult side is to the right..

 X marks the spot. That is the building we were in. 2 minute walk to the beach.

Two things about this picture, from building in the bottom left draw a straight line following the edge of the building to the beach everything on the right is for the adult side, to the left is the main resort, (we had better loungers!). The other thing, in the water outlined by the square the diagonal line that you see are the concrete tubes I described above.

If you know us, LifeWife has lots of pics on FB.

We're back!

Well, we're back from our República Dominicana vacaciones. S2 picked us up last night, D3 was at a friend's party last night, she is the matron/maid (do you just have to be married to become a matron of honour or do you have to have children to be the matron of honour, one of the burning questions the answer to which I really don't care, it was just a passing thought) of honour so it really wouldn't have flown if she wasn't there. I gotta say that LifeWife and I are really so thankful for S2. We are appreciating him more and more all the time. It is really quite a blast to watch as people you know and love grow and expand and develop.

We had an absolutely wonderful time, hot, humid wonderful weather. Rain didn't matter, rained twice, hardly noticed it. Fantastic resort, absolutely beautiful room, immaculate grounds, lovely beach, lovely lady by my side.

A List

• D1
• GS1
• D2
• D3 Trip
• Trip

OK. OK. I know it is a little lame but I had to put that list there because I didn't want to forget about any of those items.

D1
Ah my sweet daughter, as always and as I have learned. She continues to be an inspiration to me. How can a father talk about his daughter who is literally in a battle for her life, without having some of his emotions overcome him. The strength, courage and tenacity shown by her consistently fills me with awe and admiration.

Damocles - ever heard of him?
Cicero tells the story of the Sword of Damocles in his Tusculan Disputations. The story is based on a legend about the Syracusan tyrant Dionysius II and the fawning Damocles, who called Dionysius the most fortunate person ever. Dionysius offered him the opportunity to try out his lucky life, and Damocles readily agreed. Amid all the gold and luxuries that Damocles could enjoy, there was a sharp sword hanging from a slender thread (and in imminent danger of dropping) above Damocles' head. Damocles quickly wished to go back to his less fortunate life.

From this story are two morals: First, "Uneasy rests the head that wears the crown." Second, and perhaps more significantly, "The value of the sword is not that it fall, but rather, that it hangs."

I have difficulty imagining what D1's day-to-day life is like with that sword above her head. Yet from all I've seen and heard, she maintains a positive outlook and attitude. D1 is the kind of friend to her friends, that we all would cherish.

I praise my daughter, I ask God to bless her and give her peace, I ask God to fill her heart and mind with confidence and joy, I ask God to give her the real desires of her heart.

GS1
As I wrote in my last entry, GS1 and I are now great buddies, and he continues to fill me with joy and delight, just watching him and seeing him with his Mom, is a balm to my soul.

D2
What a wonderful Mom she is, it is hard to describe what happens when I watch D2 and GS1. It's like I'm in a dark room and gently and softly a warm light begins to shine filling the room and me with illumination... (I've told you before of my regard and affection for S1) He is an integral part of the team, and his contribution illuminates GS1. Quick short story - S1 brought home a bike that his Dad gave him, I was there and he took it out for a ride, I was carrying GS1, well the first approach from a distance was watched gleefully by GS1, however when S1 began to ride away to do another pass, GS1 burst into tears and stretched his arm out to his dad, and wasn't consoled until dad came back and held him.

D3 Trip
I have maintained for a long time that I have no interest whatsoever in going on a cruise. LifeWife has mentioned a number of times how she thinks she would really enjoy it, has friends who have gone and loved it, I remained unmoved. THEN, D3 and S2 came up with this this trip (on a cruise ship) first you fly to Spain, then you board ship go to Greece Turkey Egypt, taking two weeks to do it. OK I'm sold now that would be a trip. So the upshot is this. November 2011 - LifeWife and I and D3 and S2 are going! We have already put a deposit down.

Trip
2 days from now on Saturday the 11th LifeWife and I fly to the Republica Dominicana. We bought snorkel gear, and we are going to learn to use it. We are ready for this vacation. Really ready...

Illumination

I may have mentioned that I am father to three amazing women. I am also a grandfather.

I have to tell you  though that GS1 and I did not always get along. Hey, I was perfectly willing to  be nice and to hug and cuddle and kiss him, but strangely enough it seemed that  whenever he saw me he would burst into tears! Strange, I know! Hard to believe ain't it?

So I decided that I had two options open to me, one would be to try to convince him that  I was a nice guy and he didn't need to scream hysterically whenever he saw me. But that would involve too much face time, me terrifying the little guy over and over again, and somehow the dubious benefits seemed outweighed by the damage to my ear drums. Plus potentially emotionally scarring him for life!

The other approach was basically to let him see me but to make no approaches to him at all, let him observe the interactions I would have with the people that he had a positive interaction with. Then, hopefully, over time, he would come to see that I'm not such a bad guy after all. Our family trip to the Dominican back in April really helped with this, probably because he saw me every day. Since then he slowly warmed up to me.

I am incredibly delighted to be able to say that when he sees me now a big smile lights up his face, matched only by the resultant joy and delight I feel on seeing him react to me that way.

Hey Grandpa, isn't this just SO MUCH FUN!

Positive Reinforcement

It has been quite hot, well hot for Southern Ontario anyway, for the past few days. GuruBri is off to India, having a backpack adventure with his son and significant other. How hot is it there? Probably hotter than here.

We all have situations and circumstances that try us and cause us grief and sadness. My younger sister, LadyJudy, has been teaching me some things lately, and she doesn't even know it. (Well she will if she reads this.) She has her own blog, and I've been reading it, she seems to post once a week or so, and lately she has been posting some really good stuff! Things we probably know already but it sure helps when a clear erudite reminder is presented. Check it out here.

Now I gotta tell ya, a little sister is always a little sister, no matter how old she is. You know, someone that you look out for and try and protect right? PLUS the added bonus of an assumed right to tease unmercifully! Well I really don't do THAT, well not lately anyways... Love ya, LadyJudy.

Learning

You know somethin'?

It is so cool when instead of being the teacher, you become the taught.

It's been happening for quite a while now, probably the last ten years or so. As a parent you teach your children, right? So that is what LifeWife and I did. We taught our children. Then over a period of time we found that instead of being the teachers, we were becoming the taught!

What have they taught me you ask? Well, let's see. They taught me that wearing black socks with running shoes was definitely uncool! They taught me that my role as a parent never ends, my job as "Dad" never ends, they still need me. Sometimes it will be a totally different aspect of Dadishness that they will need, sometimes it will be typical Dadishness that they need. Sometimes it will be Dad in a way I'd never quite thought of before. They taught me that it is possible to move from Father to Friend, yet still be Father. (Now that is totally amazing! I revel in that.)

On Father's day we all got together, and celebrated, BBQ in the backyard, hanging out together, relaxing, enjoying each other. BUT Fathers day for me was really yesterday, a week after the official "event". Why you ask? Well I'll tell you why. Yesterday my three daughters took me out to see "Harry Potter The Exhibit", at the Science Center.

Which brings me back to being taught, I love to read, I believe I have taught my daughters, the joy of reading, but here is where the teaching comes in, (I used to suggest books for them to read) now I'm having books suggested to me, by them! Way cool! In fact, there was a day that the older two and I went around to about three or four used bookstores and I was making suggestions to them about books they should have in their libraries. That was a fun day, exploring, looking for books. Now since then D3 has discovered the JOY and she and I have a plan to do the same thing at some unspecified point in the future. (Actually if they are available, D1 and D2 would be quite out out if they weren't invited along.) I would probably never have read the Harry Potter books if they hadn't suggested them to me. Totally enjoyable reads, each book. It's probably a time for a re-read.

It started with all three of them putting on the Sorting Hat, which was kinda cool. We had a great time wandering around the exhibit, looking at the costumes and props. They had some monitors with some clips from the movies, which brought back a lot of memories and we wistfully commented what an awesome thing it would be to watch all the movies in one day, what a marathon that would be. Marketing being what it is of course on the way out of the exhibit there was a "Harry Potter Store" with all kinds of "gear", they had the books and the movies and chess sets and pencils and coffee mugs, some of which revealed hidden images when hot liquids were poured into them, tshirts hoodies, fridge magnets, wands, HP glasses, some of the Weasley twins weird candy, they had just about anything you could think of. So as "Dad", I bought them each a bookmark, and a fridge magnet.

Then we went out for dinner at Spring Rolls, one of our favourite restaurants. We all were taking it easy and no one was in a rush and we had a thoroughly enjoyable time. Me an ma gals!

Now THAT was a Father's Day!

Oh What Fun!

Well it's only Monday but LifeWife has already posted 69 photos. Some beautiful shots, but the thing I like the most is that she just looks like she is having so much fun. I was looking at some of her photos while at work and I went up to the hub-room to do some work on our server, and I was sitting there with a big grin on my face and I realized that I has so happy and pleased that she was having such a good time. I was delighting in her delight! I was enjoying her joy! She makes me smile she makes me laugh, from the other side of the country! She is amazing and I'm so thankful that she is part of my life.

Now not only is she having so much fun, but today she is going on a mail flight up the Campbell River in a float plane. Delivering mail and supplies to some of the remoter communities along the coastline. Man oh man I wish I was there. She is just going to love that! And what a photo op.

Well she's off.

I dropped LifeWife off at the airport this morning. She is heading out to Comox on beautiful Vancouver Island. She'll be visiting her sister and her husband. She was very good because I dropped her off 4 hours before her plane leaves, this was so I could still get to work around 6ish. She didn't mind and in fact she suggested it. I phoned her around 9 and she was on chapter 5 of the book she had been saving for the trip!

She is looking forward to seeing and visiting with her sister. They have a sailboat and not just a little one either, I think it sleeps 5 or 6. I really don't know but she is excited to get out on the mighty Pacific and sail the ocean waves. If they are really lucky she might even see some whales. That would really be the icing on the cake. I'm looking forward to the photos she will undoubtedly take. I asked her, if there is a chance to see if she could try and get to some old growth forest and take some pics there, not sure if she'll be able to but that would be really cool.

Originally I was going to go as well, but some scheduling issues with others on vacation at work prevented that from happening.

So its just me at home, ahh, peace and quiet, oh and some wild women and parties too. (Yeah right.)

Celebration

Well we celebrated GS1's birthday on Saturday, and as is to be expected it was more about others celebrating than GS1 celebrating. The party was more for us than it was for him, I mean, come on, poor little guy, he wakes up from his nap and his Mom brings him downstairs and the house is full of adults all looking at him. If I was him I'd be ticked too. Who are all these people? What happened to my quiet and peaceful house. Why is everybody looking at me? Why is everybody trying to make me smile?

He brightened up though and an hour or so later when some other little people were around he was a lot more animated and happy. D2, nice party!

These wonderful occasions are part of building the bond as an extended family, shared joy, shared memories, shared reminiscences.
"Wow, a year already"
"Do you remember when you first saw him."
"Remember when he..."
These threads are part of the tapestry we are crafting, each of us playing a part and added our own unique colour to the weave. What a fantastic voyage we are on, as the tapestry grows...

I love my family!

Some random cogitations..

On Racism vs Patriotism
My friend made this post on her blog, read it then come back here. She raises some interesting points. I must say that there was a resonation that occurred in me while reading her post. When my children were younger we would go in to the local "foreign" grocery, we'd be looking for something specific, and I'd call it a cultural experience, but it was amazing the things we found in there. The smells also were sometimes very interesting. Now I'm making no judgments here, but I too, sometimes feel like a stranger in a strange land. (By the way the book by Robert Heinlein titled Stranger in a Strange Land is a good one.) The richness that cultural diversity brings, also seems to bring a paucity of understanding. How sad.

Then I started thinking about the recent situation with the Israeli's intercepting the "Flotilla of Hope" or whatever they called it. I don't think most of us will ever really know what actually happened there. Benjamin Netanyahu's quote "This wasn't a love boat, this was a hate boat." There is so much filtering going on that the truth becomes obfuscated. Two entirely different stories when told by opposite sides. Then there is the "today's terrorist is tomorrow's government" idea, look at any of the old colonial countries in Africa where freedom from the colonial power was extracted from the barrel of a gun. Look at Israel itself. Those terrorists, as labeled by the colonial powers at the time, are now the government. Whose to judge? The winners usually write the history books, and after time passes, who is to say who was right who was wrong.

If you and I were faced with some of the things the Jews Israeli's were facing prior to their becoming a state, what would we have done? What about being a black man or an Indian in South Africa during apartheid?

Apartheid truly an evil system of legal racial segregation enforced by the National Party government in South Africa between 1948 and 1994. Apartheid dictated that the rights of the majority non-white inhabitants of South Africa were curtailed and minority rule by whites was enforced. As would be expected this "separateness" sparked significant internal resistance and violence as well as an almost universal trade embargo against South Africa. A series of popular uprisings and protests were met with the banning of opposition and imprisoning of anti-apartheid leaders. As unrest spread and became more violent, state organizations responded with increasing repression and state-sponsored violence.

In 1975, Israel had offered to sell South Africa nuclear warheads. In 1976, South Africa's prime minister, John Vorster, not only made a visit to Jerusalem but accompanied Israel's two most important leaders, Yitzhak Rabin and Shimon Peres, to the city's Holocaust memorial to mourn the six million Jews murdered by the Nazis.

FACT: Vorster had been an open supporter of Hitler, a member of South Africa's fascist and violently antisemitic Ossewabrandwag and he was interned during the war as a Nazi sympathiser.

Rabin hailed Vorster as a force for freedom and at a banquet toasted "the ideals shared by Israel and South Africa: the hopes for justice and peaceful coexistence".

A few months later, the South African government's yearbook described the two countries having one thing in common above all else: "They are both situated in a predominantly hostile world inhabited by dark peoples."

What?? I say WHAT??

So where does that leave me? Well I'm continuing to learn tolerance, I'm continuing to learn to look for those things for which one can have hope. I'm struggling not to think in stereotypes. I'm trying to smell the roses and ignore the manure out of which they grew... I can make a difference. I can be a difference.

Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, what¬ever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—keep thinking about these things. Then the God of peace will be with you.

What do you think?

Funny how things change...

I started writing this blog merely for myself and I hadn't told anyone about it. Then I emailed BigSis told her about it and swore her to secrecy, and then I told D2, as she was really my inspiration, and then the word kinda got out and more and more people knew about it.

NOW when I make an entry, I can't wait for people to read it and I'm eagerly checking back to see if anyone left a comment.

Weird Huh? So ironic that I started out not caring or necessarily wanting anyone to read, now ...

New Word

I've had this floating around in my head for quite a while now and I've mentioned it to a couple of people as well.

Do you have an image that is evocative of a specific time or place? Something around which things may be clouded but that image just resonates in your mind? A significant event that has an image which you have pinpointed in time, that encapsulates what was happening at the time?
Now for me, these are usually times of great joy or a profound awareness that brings a feeling of contentment/satisfaction perhaps, or it's a personal moment of great emotional value.

All set, OK here it is - memorimage, its an image yes but it is more than that because the memories that surround that image, the thoughts that surround the image, the emotions that surround that image, the sight, the sound, the taste, the smell. All combine to present you with something that is so much more than just an image, so much more than just a memory it's a memorimage!

The memorimage of my first born daughter, combined with a feeling of awe and wonder, combined with relief at the success of the birth, combined with relief that the health of my sweet wife was not compromised. It/she's a girl! she's healthy, she's wonderfully alive, and I am a part of her she is a part of me! Wow!

The memorimage of sitting on the porch of a house on Lawson Road, talking with my big Sister, going on til 3 in the morning. Bit of a story here, BigSis and hubby were on the way back from somewhere out West, they were going to be living in Ontario for awhile and it had been a long time since I'd seen them. I decided that I'd drive out to where they were going to be coming off the highway and wait for them. It was probably 11 pm or so when I decided this, we'd been tracking them on their return to Ontario so we had a reasonable idea of when they were going to be arriving back here. So there I am 11 pm at night sitting in my car just off the off ramp from the highway waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Then there they were, I knew what car they were driving so I started the car pulled a "ue" "youee" (how do you spell the colloquial short form for a U-turn?) and followed, BigSis saw the maneuver, and not knowing that I was waiting, told her hubby, "That's my brother". Pretty cool eh? Anyway that is another one of my favourite memorimages.

The memorimage of Lifewife's face, dimly seen late one evening, on the 21st floor of her sisters apartment building as she said Yes and so began our life together, her smile, her yes, so sweetly spoken, my inability to wipe the grin off my face. Ahh, sweet, sweet memorimage. 40 Years we've known each other, this year 34 years married.

The memorimage of D2's face when she was telling me that she was "going out" with S1. Some history that doesn't bear repeating, with this guy, and based on the history, my warnings to her about him.

--Cogito interruptus
You know there is something remarkably enabling to be able to look back and say "Yup, I was wrong"
--Cogito resumptum

How wonderfully wrong I was, if you've had a chance to read my first post I express myself about him there. D2's Mom had sent her downstairs and had told her you'd better talk to your Dad, D2's apprehension (probably somewhat justified) but I like to think I handled myself well in that situation, I didn't freak out or anything, I think I spoke calmly and reasonably.

--Cogito interruptus
I've heard and seen too many situations where, the thought has been expressed, "If only I'd said something..." I was determined that I didn't want to have to live with those kind of regretful thoughts.
--Cogito resumptum

Now as I said earlier, I was wrong about this guy. Thankfully. But to get back to the memorimage, D2's face, respectful and yet quietly insistent that she was aware and confident in her judgment of him.

The memorimage of D3, standing beside the gurney I was on, me drifting in and out of a morphine haze, her smile, full of love and calming somehow, stroking my arm, just her being there, smiling down at me with love, ahh man, what a wonderful person she is. Then, hearing some of things the Dr.'s were saying and in some dark recess of my mind thinking, if I'm going, she shouldn't be here, not really knowing how serious it was, and really really not wanting her to go away.

The memorimage of D1, multiple memorimages of her strength and courage, her tenacity, her indefatigable zest to be. Just simply to be, her desire to grow, learn, inspire, these too are a part of the memorimage when I think of her.

So there you have it -- memorimage. What do you think, what are some of your memorimages? Let me know if you like, I'd be glad to hear from you.

Craftsmanship

In 1971, I think it was, we moved to a new house, very exciting for us. You see, my parents were missionaries, I was born in Nigeria, West Africa and we moved back to Canada, for the final time in 1966. I do know that I watched the Leafs win the Stanley Cup, but back then I didn't really care, after all I just moved back to Canada, I didn't even know how to skate! The builder of this new subdivision donated 3 houses to the mission. As my dad was still working for the mission, we got one of the houses, so for us it was a Big Deal. Anyway, it was sort at the start of the street and had a pie-shaped lot, with the wide end of the pie at the front along the street.
One of the things my Dad did was to build a small 2 rail fence in one of the corners of the front yard. Now when I say built, perhaps I should have said crafted. I've seen similar fences, guys have put the crosspieces up against the posts and slammed a few spikes in and, Done. Not my Dad, oh no. He cut rectangular holes into the posts and then shaped the end of the crosspieces to fit into those holes. But let me back up a bit, before putting the posts into the ground we soaked the base of the post that was going into the ground with creosote. He told me that this would prevent the wood from decomposing.

Well I drive by there the other day and, yep, you guessed it, that fence is still there and still looks good. 37 or so years after it was built, out of wood!
Here's some photos of it.

Now I could draw some parallels to that fence.

I Like

the creosote that my Mom and Dad soaked me in...

I Like

the attention to detail and care and what "Doing something right the first time" that building that fence taught me, (now I'm not saying that I'm as good a craftsman as my Dad, but he sure provided the tools...

There is just something about that fence, I like driving by and seeing the lasting physical evidence of my Dad's work.

Carefully now...

Of course the danger with blogging is that you become disconnected with what you are writing, in the sense that writing it out, is distributing it amorphously, which means that nobody is really reading it anyway right?

If we don't have someone that we talk to freely, I mean really freely, then the temptation is there to tell it to your blog. I guess there would be some therapeutic value to that wouldn't there? After all when you write you have to organize your thoughts and then translate those thoughts into sense-making words, (Ay, there's the rub...(veiled Shakesperean reference)), for in that translation, from unspoken thought to written word, doesn't it sometimes happen that we realize how petty perhaps, or how inane, what we are spilling our guts out about, really is? On the other hand, we might give up in disgust because we can't figure it out or make any sense of it.

On the gripping hand, (veiled Pournellean reference) sometimes we can become floodlit/blinded/eureka-ed and enriched by insight that can only be gained by the thinking, introspection and self-evaluation, that comes from writing something down. In fact making it more real, resolving, or at least reconciling our minds by documenting it.

Thoughts of Mom's

Today is Mother's Day.
Generation One - My Mom, when I was small, I used to like to sit beside my Mom and rub my cheek against her upper arm. Somehow it was always cool and it was very soothing. When I was a teenager, I was an ignorant boor towards my Mom. She'd come into my room and try desperately to have a conversation with me. I'd do my best to ignore her, what a little snot I was, if I'd been my Dad and saw that I would have smacked me. Grrr. Then I grew up a bit and I liked to talk to my Mom, she had the rare ability to LISTEN. I miss her...
Generation Two - LifeWife, mother of my amazing girls. She is an amazing Mom, we didn't have much money when they were small and yet LifeWife found amazing cheap things to do that they remember to this day. There is also the infamous hairbrush, LifeWife roaring through the apartment, WHO ATE MY BRUSH! Memories of love and laughter, Thoughts of wonder, LifeWife went everywhere with the kids, I was at work and LifeWife would be out, with the kids, on one adventure or another. She nurtured, taught, loved, disciplined, held, rocked, caressed, soothed. Happy happy Mother's Day my dear sweet wife, I esteem you highly.
Generation Three - D2, new mom (well he's 11 months now so still fairly new). I have talked about watching her sing to GS1, what an incredible delight I felt observing that. She has a great example to follow, and she's also breaking new ground, not competitively, but wanting to do as good and better than her own mother. I guess that is all part of the process, we do things differently than our parents did, hopefully what we are "trying" will work better than what our parents "tried".

We all do what we can, don't we? At whichever stage we are at in our lives, our intent is to make the best decisions, based on the most current information, and to the best of our ability.

Present Tense Parents

Off-Site Backup

Within the past few years LifeWife has expressed an interest in photography. So being the type of guy who is all for personal development and enrichment. I bought her a camera. It was a pretty good little point and shoot and she loved it.

Now, years and years ago I was very interested in photography, in fact back then Time Life had a whole series of very good books on photography and I had purchased the whole set. LifeWife and I moved out to Calgary and those books were just too heavy to carry across three quarters of the country, and since then those books have gone. We don't know where or how but they're just gone. About 8 years ago my brother developed an interest in photography that has blossomed and now he's the guru. From those Time Life books and my interest earlier I have an understanding of the theory and am familiar with the terminology, but the transition from a film camera to a digital camera were challenging, so I wasn't much help. That's where GuruBri comes in.

So a couple of years go by and LifeWife expressed an interest in a camera that was a little more versatile. So I went to the guru and consulted him. Turns out that he was just investigating purchasing a camera for his daughter, and he thought that with purchasing two cameras we might both benefit from a "volume" purchase. So it looked like the investment on my part for a new camera for LifeWife was going to be in the 1500 dollar range. Now my initial reaction was that she would never agree to spending that much on a camera. So GuruBri and I arranged for him to come over for supper with all the flyer's and the glossy pictures and we were going to do a sales job on LifeWife. We planned it all out, what he would say what I would say, how we were going to pitch the whole thing to her.

GuruBri and I were sitting there five minutes into the dinner, with just the introduction to our pitch begun, with our jaws dropped. She willingly, nay wait, she eagerly acquiesced to our proposal regarding the acquisition of photographic equipment. She loves it and uses it a lot!

Anyway, part of our spring and on into the summer is to try and spend an evening a week with GuruBri, going out to locations and looking around for pictures to take and then come back and talk about some features of the camera and different things that the camera can do. Sort of a relaxed training course in digital photography.

Tonight was one of those nights. Now GuruBri had been on a trip to the land of our birth a couple of years ago, and we were looking at some of those shots and just chatting and listening to his stories, when he happened to mention that he had "lost" a whole folder of pictures in the transition to Windows 7. They happened to be the folder in which he had some very dramatic elephant pictures, and he was quite ticked that he had "lost" those pictures.

As he was talking a smile grew on my face, "What are you grinning about?" he asked.
"Well" says I with the grin growing, "Guess what I have on one of my hard drives?"

Yep, you guessed it at one point not long after he got back from the trip he had come over and I had copied all those Nigeria pictures onto my hard drive.

Hence the title of the post!!

Relative (It's All)

LifeWife and I went to a shindig for one of my aunts, Aunt Ruth was celebrating her 85th birthday. Earlier this year we went to a shindig for another one of my Aunts, Aunt Phyllis, who was celebrating her 80th birthday. Sadly also within the past few months we went to the funeral for one of my cousins. At each "event" I was whelmed, not overwhelmed, just whelmed, by these people, my relatives. (Assuming that the construct whelm is a less radical feeling that overwhelmed. I'll check that out later.) Scott hosted the birthday celebration for his Mom, my Aunt Ruth and Scott is one of my cousins that I really didn't know. We knew each other and exchanged greetings and such at family events, but I really didn't know him. It wasn't until recently at Aunt Phyllis's that Scott and I really communicated, and it was a shared illness in one of each of our childrens lives that was the precursor to our getting to know each other better. My appetite has been whetted.

There were lots of stories I didn't know, children of cousins I had no idea who they were, relationships I was simply not a part of. And yet, they all knew me, most of them knew LifeWife, I didn't feel like an outsider, I did feel connected and a part of them, but I am wondering how much richer could that/those relationship(s) have been. I guess you need to get a little older to begin to see these things and recognize the value that is there. OR you need to grow up with the interaction happening all along. Cousins who I really didn't know, cousins I have, that I have perceived far differently from who they really are.

I grew up in Nigeria, West Africa, and really lost some connectivity with these people, these relatives, because of that. And it hasn't been until relatively recently that I have realized the gap this has left in me.
----COGITO INTERRUPTUS
Interestingly, when D1 was born we were living in Calgary. After she was born it wasn't too long before I really began to feel that we should move back to Toronto. I wanted my daughter to grow up knowing her cousins and knowing her aunts and uncles, I wanted her to have what I didn't have. I wanted her to have a lifetime of memories from infancy of being surrounded and having available the people in her life who were connected/related to her Mom and Dad.
----COGITO RESUMPTUM

LifeWife is far better at keeping track of my cousins than I am. Its like she has the program and when I'm not sure whats going on she brings me up to speed.

Will this change? Will I try to get to know them better?

I hope so...

Old (Lengthy) (Established) (Extended Duration) Friends - trying to find an alternative to OLD

We are meeting with some friends to go out for dinner tonight. Doug and I have been friends since I think it was Grade 10. So let's see if I can figure this out. Graduated High school in 1975 grade 13, so...
1974 - Grade 12
1973 - Grade 11
1972 - Grade 10.
2010 - 1972 = 38.
38 years whew.
Doug is a very good friend, Sharon, his wife is a very good friend as well, LifeWife and I have a tendency to just drop by their place every now and then. Sometimes we call, sometimes we don't. They are always very welcoming. In fact we have dropped by a couple of times when they already had friends visiting them, people we didn't know, and that doesn't phase them a bit. "Come on in," then introductions would follow.

We are celebrating Sharon's birthday. She already had a party/celebration but we had a previous commitment and were unable to make it.

Grade 10 I think it was Doug and I were in the same English class. Frank P. was the teacher, here is the difference between then and now. Doug and I went to his house for the weekend, no big deal, no grilling from the parents, nobody thought it was weird. There is some joke here that we were riding in Frank's car, a convertible, and the radio was on, and Frank and Doug were singing. And I made some comment about how I hated it when people sang along when I was trying to listen to the song. It was really funny at the time... Even now Doug or I will just say, "You know what I really hate??" and that is enough to get a good laugh from us.

Doug and I were in art class together, Doug is an artist, I am not. We discovered photography together, the high school had a darkroom, so Doug and I would go out shooting then come back and develop our film, print a contact sheet, (does anyone know what that is anymore) then choose a few to print. We would take pictures of exactly the same thing and yet somehow his shots always looked better than mine. They had that hard to define "edge" or view or perspective that mine just didn't seem to have.

Shared memories, reminiscence of past significant events, troublesome times, very good times...

Memories

I was thinking a few days ago about one of my girlfriends, well actually my only other girlfriend. You see, I was not a "(word that means I had a lot of experience with women)" in my youth. OK OK, I can't think of a word so I spelled it out for ya.

----COGITO INTERRUPTUS
LifeWife is the first girl I went out with and here we are 39 years since I met my sweet wife. This year will be our 34th anniversary.
----COGITO RESUMPTUM

So I asked myself, Self whatever happened to the only other significant girl (SG) from your youth? I knew her name and so that is where I started,

----COGITO INTERRUPTUS
I have forgotten the names of everyone else...I tried to think of some and really couldn't.
----COGITO RESUMPTUM

I Googled SG's name and didn't seem to get anywhere so I Googled our high school and ended up on a site that showed our school and there her name was and the year we graduated. This site offered a chance to send a person a message and so I did, I had no idea if she would ever see it and if she did see it would she want to say Hello.

Well as it turns out she did see it and she sent me a message.

----COGITO INTERRUPTUS
I highly value the relationship I have with my wife we are a part of each other. So out of respect for her I talked to her about this initial exchange with SG and asked LifeWife if she was OK with this incipient communication avenue. LifeWife indicated her appreciation in being consulted and indicated that she had no worries. You know when you love someone, involving them in situation where there is a possibility for misunderstanding only makes real good sense.
----COGITO RESUMPTUM

So I responded to her initial email to me and I think I may have gone a bit overboard in the amount of information I responded with. Haven't heard anything back from her yet, but that's OK. I tried to communicate to her that I appreciated her, and the impact she had on my life. Even now 35 years later, when I think of her, I smile...

It's Dangerous, isn't it??

Been thinking a bit lately about the amount of time I/We have been spending with our children. Seems to me that we do that more than we spend time with anyone else, is that wise??

I also sometimes worry a little when D3 & S2 spend time with us. Sometimes I wonder/worry if they have enough friends in their own "generation". I want them to have friends that will be there for them 10, 20, 30 years from now.

----COGITO INTERRUPTUS
On the other hand, let me tell you about how good it feels when my children call and want to spend time with us/me. Can I say WOW, I mean they actually seek us out. I mean, we are OLD we don't know the names of the bands they listen to, their music sounds suspiciously like discordant trash. They listen to groups like "black-eyed legumes", "nine inch spikes". Huh? What? Yet they seem to like spending time with us... It is really an incredible feeling to be loved by your children when they are adults and you know they see your faults as clearly as you see them yourself, and yet, and yet they continue to love.
----COGITO RESUMPTUM

Should we be "leaving them alone" more? Are we being too intrusive? Generally I don't think so. I'm confident that they are self-assured enough that they are able to say "Now is not a good time Dad".

Thinking back to early in our own marriage when we left the province, went out to Alberta...

Anamnesis (Ancient Greek: ἀνάμνησις "recollection, reminiscence", literally "loss of forgetfulness")

----COGITO INTERRUPTUS
My Dad was a great letter writer, and his love shone through his use of the language, you really felt like he was sitting there writing with one of his arms around you. My Mom in her letters, would say some of the same things that my Dad would, but somehow it wasn't the same, it was almost like she was writing what she was "supposed" to write, saying things she was "supposed" to say. Dad's love just flowed from his writing. His warmth and love pervaded his writing. I recall the letter Dad wrote to my brother, we were at boarding school, telling my brother of the death of his dog. My recollection is such that I imagine my Dad with great love and sadness enfolding my brother in his arms while giving him the sad news. I really don't recall the letter itself, just the sense of love and concern my Dad expressed in the letter to my brother.
----COGITO RESUMPTUM

(But you know I think that my relationship with my children is different from the relationship I enjoyed with my parents.)

More later, more thinking to do...
See page - Parents and Children (Me 'n' mah kids)

Way Too Much Fun

OK It really wasn't, but I like the sound of it.

The weather was beautiful and warm, days full 0f sunshine. The beach was pretty nice, fair bit of coral reefing close to shore which made it difficult to walk out in a straight line and just swim, but it was great for casual snorkeling. Quite a few sea urchins, which I discovered up close and personal.

I {had/got/received} so much {joy/wonder/enjoyment} from my grandson, he is learning slowly who I am, I think that the beard is what freaks him out. But he is learning. Just watching him react to various things would be enough to send me off into fits of joyous delighted laughter. I don't do that quietly either and sometimes that is all it takes to scare him off. We breakfasted lunched and dinnered with D2 S1 and GS1 every day, and that was a delight just to share those daily times with them.

GS1 is large for a 10 month old so I find we are sort of expecting more from him than he is really capable of yet, give him time though and all these things we are waiting for WILL happen.

My sweet daughter, this wonderful grandson's mother, continues to fill me with wonder and awe. I am AweFull (borrowed from Mary or Sarah, can't remember which) when I watch her being a mother to this wonderful small person. She seems to be such a natural and she is so obviously besotted with love for this little guy that it fair takes my breath away. We were at the beach and he was a little restless so D2 started singing to him. She was singing and gazing at him and he was loving it and gazing up at his Mom... (The wind has picked up and made my eyes water a bit!) such an incredible moment for me to watch love.

I am continually being made proud by my three sweet daughters. I was able at different times to walk the beach with each of my daughters, and I gotta tell you, they all amaze me, and fill me with joy. Joy that takes your heart and mind and squeezes, until you have to gasp. I am so blessed.

It is remarkable how little it costs to have a bit of fun. I was at the Dollar store with D2, she was picking up some supplies for the trip for GS1. I spotted some kites, packaged in twos for a dollar, so I bought 2 packages. We had a great time flying them, D1 and S2 had a bit of a competition going, mostly D1 taunting S2 that her kite was higher.

LifeWife has posted some, a few, OK OK, 120 at last count, pictures which do an admirable job of hitting some of the highlights.

There are people in our lives that effect us every day,
people that provide a base,
people that encourage us to be who we are,
people that accept us for who we are,
people that consistently remind us of who we are,
people that contribute to who we are,
people that help us to {change/improve} who we are,
people without whom we would be {lost/bereft/fundamentally alone},
LifeWife, I love you.

Stew

My sister Sue, gave us the name of an author of cookbooks full of heart healthy recipes a few years ago after my heart attack. We have been using that cookbook more recently and trying out some new and interesting salads. So far we haven't made any that we haven't enjoyed!

I just put some stew in the oven, it is called stay-abed-stew. You throw everything in and put it in the oven at 325 then hours later, hey presto a delicious stew. We went first class with this stew, we bought a couple of steaks and chopped them up rather than using stewing beef. I wonder if it will really taste any better? Carrots potatoes squash, can of beef broth, can of cream of mushroom soup, 2 cans cream of celery soup. That's all there is to it. Plus a couple of garlic cloves and Worcestershire sauce.I'm looking forward to trying it.

We bought some SPF 50 sunscreen this morning, getting ready for the trip...

ARGHH!

SO I came in to work yesterday, lasted for about an hour and a half and then went home. Back to work today, not really feeling that much better, but not feeling bad enough to go home.

LifeWife went and picked up D1 from chemo treatments yesterday. D1 was overtired, zapped by the rigors of the chemo and while appreciative, wasn't able to make up her mind about what to eat. Very frustrating for LifeWife because she knew that D1 wanted to eat, knew that D1 knew she should eat, but was unable to decide what to eat. We have noticed that D1 is really not gaining any weight at all and we are upset about it. D1 is being very protective/selective about what she will and will not eat (all based on info from the naturopathic college). No sugar no wheat no this no that and consequently (it seems to us) there really aren't too many choices available. We'd like to see her scarf back a bacon double cheeseburger with fries with gravy and a large chocolate milkshake, anything that will put some meat on her.

We are continuing to learn to adjust our mindset to acknowledge that she does not need/want us to dictate anything to her, she absolutely will not do anything SHE doesn't want to do. We are learning to live with and accept that. Sometimes we as parents DO know what is best. (That is the frustrating part.)

Whew

So I'm fast asleep, it's the middle of the night, I wake up and sneeze and OH MY GOODNESS, it felt like I sneezed my throat out, it hurt! I fall back to sleep and when the alarm rings I get up, shower, head out.
I drive up to the Timmy's window, a voice says Can I help you and I open my mouth and out comes something that must have sounded like Darth Vader on steroids or something, there was a moment of silence and then the voice says Excuse Me? By this time I have harrumphed and cleared my throat several time so when I said Large Double Double, it was decipherable. Then I remembered the sneeze.
So it is sorta going downhill, not really feeling bad enough to leave work but definitely not feeling like working, glad this is happening now and not the night before The Trip!

The Trip:

We are going on a trip.

LifeWife and I
D-One and Companion
D-Two and S-One and GS-One
D-Three and S-Two
It is getting kinda tiring writing out the numbers so I am switching to the following D1 and C
D2 and S1 and GS1
D3 and S2
There that will make things easier.

Okay, so the trip, well it is a long and complicated story to try and identify how it all came about and I don't have the time or the inclination to write it all out. Suffice it to say we are going.

Circumstances dictated that we were unable to get into the same resort, so we are on the same beach but there is a resort in between the two resorts we are staying at. It all started by D3 & S2, buying the trip for D1 and C. Then D2 found out about it and at one point D1, D2, and LifeWife, were together and came up with the idea of us all going.

Hey I'm all for sun sand and sea, and it will be amazing to be there with all the people I love the most. I'm really looking forward to this trip.

S2 is pumped and checking out all the day trips that are available.

INTRO: Heroes

We all (or most of us) have heroes don't we? The funny thing about heroes is that as we change we obtain new or exchange our heroes.

Band of brothers has a great clip of one of the actual guys whose story they are telling. His grandson asked him if he was a hero in the war, and he told his grandson, No, I was in a company of heroes.

Well I gotta tell ya, my heroes are my daughters. I have three, and they all grew up to be such wonderful powerful women. Self assured, confident in themselves, each of them growing and developing: kindness, tact, compassion, wisdom and grace.

Just so I don't have to say it for each one...they are beautiful, brilliant women.

D-One my eldest daughter, is a fierce competitor, and yet gracious and loving in demeanor, obviously cared for by all who get to know her. Her friends amaze me, actually it is not her friends that amaze me it is the wide diversity of personalities and how different they are from her, and yet from my observations, they'll drop anything to help her. D-One is currently battling Ovarian Cancer. She is determined to be a part of the 30% that survives longer than 5 years, we are at four years since initial diagnosis. This is the kind if person D-One is, 4 years ago late in the fall, D-One asked LifeWife and I to meet her for dinner at a Korean restaurant, we delightedly acquiesced, and it was there that she told us her diagnosis, she had been diagnosed two months earlier, D-One I asked, "Why didn't you tell us sooner? She replied "Because I didn't want to ruin your birthday Dad."

D-Two my middle daughter, a new Mom to a currently 9 month old son, GS-One, and learning all the ramifications involved in motherhood, she is reading all the books and trying to do everything just right, which is great but I would think a little tiring. She is a fine woman with a ready and heartwarming smile, cheerful and bright. Her tenacious optimism for D-One is inspiring. Her Husband, Son One (S-One) is a man who has been teaching D-Two's sisters what it is like to have a brother, teasing and tormenting them, and yet when they need it he is a brotherly loving hug for them so obviously full of love and care. D-Two told me he weeps for D-One. I've told him how much I appreciate his care love and concern for D-One and D-Three, and how much LifeWife and I love him. /==/ D-Two is a great conversationalist, and I've figured out why. She listens. She makes you feel that you have her focused attention, she asks insightful questions, she engages you.

D-Three my youngest daughter, Christmas day she was jumping on the couch, I warned her "Don't jump on the couch" ... next thing you know there we are, in Emerg on Christmas day, she must have been 3 or four at the time. She and I made several trips to Emerg... D-Three is an actioneer, she won't sit and wait, she'll get up and make it happen. She too is married, just celebrated her first anniversary and as we learn more about S-Two, I must admit we are developing a fondness for him as well. She has an amazing capacity for patience (but will not put up with nonsense) in trying circumstances, if you are ever sick or in hospital D-Three is the one you want beside you. //==// She has this annoying habit of being right and being eminently logical. She is irritatingly able to point out inconsistencies in positions or opinions.

Heart of a Lion D-One, D-Two and D-Three are all equipped with this. They fill my heart with joy/wonder/pride/awe. D-Two and D-Three consistently demonstrate selfless love in their interactions with D-One. They are so protective and giving, it makes me weep that they are so wonderfully loving towards their elder sibling. The amazing thing is that they all have the same attitude towards each other, sure there are small things that irritate them about each other, but that doesn't matter when there is a need. Not at all.

D-One's quote: from her blog
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And he said this is like life too, if you lose your job, you don't think I'm never going to find anything, you think I'm going to find something better.

He said, if you are sick, you say every day I am going to get a little bit better, more well.

For obvious reasons that really struck me. Lately I have been wondering if I am really getting better, if this new chemo protocol is working for me, doubting... This inspired me.

Screw what the doctors say. In my mind I am going to be determined. I am not going to assume the worst before the results are in-so to speak. Every day I am going to have the mindset that I am getting a little bit better than I was yesterday, that I am moving towards wellness.

I want to be a champion in jujitsu. But even more I want to be a champion in life and overcome all the obstacles set before me. And cancer, I am going to win, today is going to be my day, people say you are really tough-unbeatable, but I am going to surprise you and submit you and win.
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D-One - The Champion.